Happy Gimplesfolly Day

BYTE-ing Satire

A light-hearted poke in technology's eye

A book by
Joel Klebanoff

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Happy Gimplesfolly Day!

Are you looking for the perfect gift for a birthday, an anniversary, a graduation, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Gimblesfolly Day? Choose BYTE-ing Satire.

What, you've never heard of Gimplesfolly Day? Allow me to explain. Gimplesfolly Day commemorates the death of Moishe Gimple, who, in his time, was affectionately known as The Pugilistic Plumber. The "Plumber" part is understandable as that's how he "earned" his living, but there is no record of why "Pugilistic" became part of his nickname. Not only had he never boxed, but his fingers were so pudgy that he was unable to form a fist.

Gimple became famous — and rich — as a result of his trademarked "Stopperless Sink." Whenever customers told him they wanted a sink with a stopper Gimple petulantly whined, "What do you want a stopper for? You put the stopper in. You run the water and walk away for a second. Then your mind wanders and you forget about it. The water overflows and all of a sudden you've got major structural damage. That's going to run into big money. Trust me. It's well worth your while to spend a few extra bucks to get a Stopperless Sink."

Gimple sold thousands of Stopperless Sinks annually at a $500 premium over a standard sink. Gimple also secretly earned considerable income through an agreement with clothing stores. After customers in those stores paid for their apparel purchases the cashier would say, "Because of the delicate nature of the fabric, make absolutely certain that you remember to hand-wash those garments in the sink. You do have a stopper in your sink, don't you?" Anyone who had bought one of Gimple's sinks would inevitably answer "no." The clerk then sold the hapless customer one of the stoppers that Gimple had removed from a standard sink to turn it into his signature Stopperless Sink. Gimple and the store split the profit on the stoppers.

The Pugilistic Plumber came to a tragic end at the age of only 54 when he suffered a massive coronary after eating one too many corned beef sandwiches at Manny's Manhattan Meat Market. Sadly, Gimple never thought to ask for lean meat in his sandwiches. By a bizarre and almost mystical coincidence, when he died his cholesterol count was exactly equal to the size of the national debt.

During a memorial service, a friend of Gimple's, an astrologer who made his fortune by convincing an exceptionally large number of people that he could use the position of the planets to accurately predict when night would surely follow day, noted that at the moment of Gimple's death the moon, Mars and Manny's Manhattan Meat Market were all in precise alignment, an event revered in astrology circles as "the perfect triple M." Consequently, Gimple is now memorialized every time that celestial configuration recurs.

For some unknown, but admirable reason it has become traditional to give all of your friends, family, neighbors and colleagues gifts of humorous books about technology on Gimplesfolly Day. BYTE-ing Satire would, therefore, make the perfect Gimplesfolly Day gift. Would I lie about a thing like that?

Can't find BYTE-ing Satire when searching the online stores? Did you include the hyphen? Most searches won't find BYTE-ing Satire if you search for "Byteing Satire". Try searching for "BYTE-ing Satire" instead. Of course, now that this note about Byteing Satire appears here, a Web search for "Byteing Satire" will probably turn up this page once the search engines index it.

If BYTE-ing Satire is not available for special order or, preferably, on the shelves of your favorite bookstore then you should definitely jump up and down, yell and scream until the manager of the bookstore agrees to order it just to get rid of you. Joel does not condone the use of violence for this purpose. Use your own best judgment. Or, you could just buy it online by clicking the Amazon links here.

Buy the book or the clown gets it!

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